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The Collection - The Disease

Dear Marjorie - My husband is 46 years old and spends most of his time playing with toy trains. He doesn't pay any attention to me these days.

Dear M - You have my deepest sympathy! Unfortunately, this condition is well known and is usually terminal. Very few people ever fully recover. However, you can turn this situation to your advantage! Trainaholics are so oblivious to their surroundings that you can bring as many men back to the house as you want - your man will never know!


Whatever you do though, don't get rid of your train fanatic - they are notoriously good at paying the bills! Blessings

When I first read this letter in a women's magazine I was shocked, devastated, mortified........

It took me a while to comprehend the truth in these words, but I am determined to 'clean up' my act.

No more trains!

The disease started .......... continue reading my incredibly boring history


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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Rail Track Signals - A Thrilling Discovery!



Train Track Signals

I thought that braking systems were exciting, but when I began researching signal arms, I realized I had entered a whole new world and darn near wet my pants with excitement! There is an entire community devoted to railway signals. Numerous websites dedicated to revealing the darkest secrets of the lower quadrant, swapping milepost pictures and even a forum where you can talk about your experiences and feelings concerning signals.

In a way, this makes me really sad that I am selling my train set. I could have been a part of this society many years ago. A life wasted! I have been a little concerned about my heart over the last couple of years and perhaps this new surge of excitement would be enough to blow a gasket!

I was going to use this article to explain the different types of signals and how they are used………… but somewhere on the page I lost the will to live.

I am being unkind here. Very unkind. I am sure the people sharing their experiences on the signals forum are really nice people, far kinder and more harmonious than I could ever be.

…..but I DO have a life.


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So here they are, the signals in this jumbo Dublo train set. They are all manual signals, so you had better be swift on your feet if you are to run a clean outfit and not allow your imaginary train drivers to break any rules.

Box One (of course they are boxed!)

Double Arm - Upper Quadrant Signals





Box Two

Single Arm - Upper Quadrant Signals





Box Three

Single Arm - Upper Quadrant Signals




Unfortunately, the lever is missing from the signal on the right, but otherwise, the items are all in really good order ......and so are the boxes, ok? Also note that the box says 'D1'. Now that is a rarity! Means its early stuff.

....and an oddity to finish with. Made by 'Crescent'? ....maybe? One arm is disconnected and it's a bit chunkier than the average signal post, but it should work if your drivers are paying attention.



….and if you are dead from the waist up, I include here some very basic rules for signal operation:

Home and Distant are two…………phhhhhtttttt!

If you really are interested in learning about signals, try these websites:

http://www.railsigns.co.uk/home.html

http://www.signalbox.org/index.php


Otherwise stick around for some jokes instead


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A Brit, an American, a gorgeous blonde and a terrifying fat lady are sharing a compartment on a train.

As the train passes through a dark tunnel there is a loud SLAP!.

Once out of the tunnel, the blonde, the Brit and the fat lady all look at the American, who is sporting a big red slap mark on his cheek.

** The blonde thinks - "that American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"

** The fat lady thinks - "that dirty old American must have tried to grope the blond and she whacked him"

** The American thinks - "That damned Brit put his hand on the blonde and she slapped me by mistake"

** The Brit thinks - "I can’t wait for the next tunnel so I can smack that stupid American again!"

There, that was more entertaining wasn’t it?

As for the signals

A stop signal has a red arm with a with band near to one end. When the arm is horizontal (consider when the beer is level in the glass), it means you have to stop (if YOU are driving the train).

If the arm is dangling (that’s the lower quadrant) then you don’t have to stop.

If there is a little notch cut out of one end then it’s a ‘Distant’ signal.

Beep Beep Beep….

Oh shucks! I’ve run out of time today. You’ll have to wait for the next thrilling article to learn more or alternatively nip down to your local newsagents and place an order for ‘Signalman’s Weekly’ or ‘Rail Signal Enthusiast’.

Until next time. zzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Locomotive Turntable

Locomotive Turntable

Let’s have a quiz: Only one piece of information in this article is actually true. Can you work out what it is?

Just look at modern locos, there’s no front end and there is no back end – there’s only a middle. How in the world can you run an attractive railway outfit with unending locomotives? The answer is, of course, you can’t.

In the good ol’ days, that I’m too young to remember …..what will I call the olden days when I grow old? Will they be the bad ol’ days? Or the mediocre ol’ days? ….anyway, in the good ol’ days, locomotives weren’t designed to run high speed in reverse and in any case the driver couldn’t see where he was going. So engines had to be turned around when they reached the end of the line.

Picking up a one hundred and fifty ton chunk of iron and turning it around was no joke and the men, who were known as Turncoats, vanished into the walls every time another loco came into the yard for turning. Some people have the audacity to accuse me of making this up, but this is all Big G’s honest truth.

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Hornby Dublo's Solution



Anyway, the original idea was to make the train driver carry out a three point turn, but this required so much space and caused so many accidents when trains reversed into the station car park denting cars and squashing former passengers, that it was abandoned.

It was Linus Swivel who came up with the idea in 1432 after watching a siege engine in action at Reims. Build a large circular platform. Drive the engine onto the platform and then rotate the platform around a central pivot using a team of oxen. Fantastic! In typical British style though, the invention had to be taken overseas to receive the funding and accolade it deserved. Thankfully, it was good enough to usurp the new American concept of ‘Disposable loco’s’. When the engine reached the end of the line, it was dropped into a big hole for recycling at some later date.





Bored with this nonsense yet? I am. Hornby Dublo came up with a beautiful turntable, but I have to say that I found it much easier to pick the loco off the rails and turn it around by hand. This job was made even easier with the launch of the Hornby Dublo ‘Railer’. I understand that this is not really a decent way to behave over such a serious issue, but when you are alone in your loft (and the hatch is locked), then you can do what you like, can’t you? ……unless your name is Norm.

Norm you are an ace!

My Own Method of Turning The Train - 'The Dublo Railer'



Answer to the quiz: the story about turning trains using three point turns is actually the only true part of the article! Did you get that right? Perhaps the car park wasn’t the best place to carry out such maneuvers, but they used to have ‘Y’ turns or sidings for this function.